


I'm Not Alone

by little_wayward_bird



Series: You're Not Alone [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Under the Red Hood
Genre: Angst, Batfamily, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Nightmares, PTSD, Protective Bruce Wayne, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 19:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20511974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_wayward_bird/pseuds/little_wayward_bird
Summary: “We sometimes think we want to disappear, but all we really want is to be found.”Jason wakes up to find that he was pretty ill and wanting to die, as usual, but also that there were people with him and willing to help him. And all he can think, is what the fuck… and why?Sequel to I'll Be Here, (the story will make more sense if you read "I'll Be Here" first)





	I'm Not Alone

Jason wanted to die.

He was just so tired. All his life was now, was disappointment, hatred, loneliness, and fear. There was also another thing, but he shoved it down with everything he had, because he knew with everything he’s done, the family will never accept him. Especially Bruce. Jason doesn’t even accept who he is, but that’s because he doesn’t know who he is. Not really.

Jason thought that everything would just be easier if he just went to sleep and never woke up. No one would miss him. Except maybe Alfred, but he has several other kids to fill whatever void Jason might leave.

He’d been debating it for the past two weeks, after the Joker got out, taunted and tortured him mentally without the others even noticing. Then Jason finally found him, but turned out Replacement had been following him and screwed up everything. They got caught and then Batman had to rescue them, giving Jason no chance to blow the clown’s head off. He’d left right after Batman knocked Joker out, knowing they wouldn’t even notice nor care enough to follow him.

It was downhill from there.

Joker never left his mind. Torturing him while he was awake and while he was asleep. Alcohol didn’t help, no matter how much he drank. Pills barely helped. Jason’s pretty sure nothing can help. Not anymore.

About two weeks after the Joker was arrested, it was Jason’s anniversary. The anniversary of his death. No one from his so called family has come to see him, not even Alfred. His phone died about a week and a half ago and he didn’t really care about charging it, so maybe they called, but if they really cared they would come.

Jason collapsed onto his couch, feeling very physically weak, and thought to himself, he might as well complete the Joker’s job from a few years ago. Jason was only 18 but he honestly didn’t see anything in the world that he should be around for.

Jason fell asleep on the couch wondering how he should do it, unsure if he preferred efficiency or pain.

He of course had a nightmare about his death, it was only natural. With fear and pain rushing through him, he woke up and fell off the couch, grabbed a gun and went into a protective position. After reliving his first death, he quickly decided that efficiency was better. Like putting his gun to his head. He was honestly about to do it when he sensed eyes on him.

His own eyes shot up and he aimed the gun at the window, barely making out a dark figure standing there, with his gloved fingers slowly pushing up the glass. Turned out to be Batman, so there went Jason’s plan. No way would Batman let him do it, whether he cared about him or not, which Jason knows he doesn’t.

Bruce spoke and Jason spoke back, but now on his feet Jason really didn’t feel too hot and ended up collapsing on his own knees. He doesn’t really remember anything after that except his bed.

Jason woke up several times, but he was never coherent enough to process things around him. He knew he threw up multiple times, there were voices around him, but he couldn’t make out words or who was speaking. The only thing that was clear in his mind, was that he felt like he was dying and every time he fell asleep, part of him hoped he wouldn’t wake up.

But he did.

Jason groaned as the first thing he felt were the everlasting aches throughout his whole body. It was different than the usual pains, so it must not have come from a fight or a hangover. He must be sick or something.

He slowly opened his eyes and saw his crappy bedroom ceiling above him. With a slightly pained sigh, he sat up. A wave a dizziness washed over him, but he ignored it and stood up. He took a couple steps and the dizziness was joined by nausea. He fought the feeling as he wobbled to the bathroom. He fell to his knees in front of the toilet and puked the meager contents of his stomach, which was simply bile and acid.

When it stopped, he sat down and leaned back against the sink, taking deep breaths. After a moment he carefully pulled himself to his feet, wiped his mouth with the sink rag then walked out of the bathroom.

As he walked out he heard noise from the kitchen. Despite how he felt, his body went on alert. He turned that direction then just relaxed back out, feeling even more exhausted now.

Alfred turned around to face him and smiled kindly.

“Very good to see you up sir, but you really should remain in bed,” Alfred said.

Jason furrowed his brows at him. “Why?”

Alfred rose his brows and looked at him concernedly. “You are very sick, Master Jason. You’ve been in a coma like state for two days now. If Master Bruce hadn’t come you might have gone into an actual coma and possibly died from this.”

Jason snorted and thought to himself, “Would’ve shot myself long before that if he hadn’t shown up at that moment.”

Jason looked up at Alfred then just walked further into the room, thinking about heading to the kitchen but knew that Alfred would have cleaned everything out by now. So he just headed to his couch, but felt like passing out where he stood instead.

He didn’t realize that Alfred was beside him helping him move till he was suddenly laying on the couch, completely out of breath. He tried to look at Alfred, but his vision was really out of focus.

It looked like Alfred smiled softly at him as the man brushed his bangs away from his forehead.

“Like I said, you need to rest. Master Bruce is on his way back with soup and more medicine. But for now, rest, so you can get better.”

Jason looked tiredly up at Alfred and his words came out in a whisper. “What’s the point?”

Alfred continued running his gentle fingers through his hair, smiling sadly now. “Just rest, my boy.” Jason’s eyes closed of their own accord and he passed out.

Alfred looked down on Jason with incredible sadness as he fell asleep. He brushed through his hair once more then gently kissed his feverish forehead.

With a sigh, Alfred stood up and grabbed the fresh new blanket he’d brought then draped it over Jason. He returned to the kitchen to continue cleaning it. He remained lost in thought for a while as he cleaned, wondering how Jason could’ve gotten this bad without him noticing. He’s known since Jason’s return that he wasn’t okay. He knew he needed mental help, but he had no idea it was this bad.

The sound of the door opening woke him from his daze. Master Bruce quietly came into the apartment. He smiled slightly at Alfred as he walked into the kitchen. He grew concerned when he saw the look on Alfred’s face.

“Are you okay?” Bruce asked quietly.

Alfred sighed, “Master Jason woke up. It’s so much worse than we thought.”

“What do you mean?”

Alfred looked up at him sadly. “I told him of his condition, and that he might not have made it if you didn’t show up. And… I don’t think he realized he said it out loud… but he said he would have taken his own life right then if you hadn’t shown up. And I believe that is something that he has been considering for a while.”

Bruce’s eyes widened and his mouth opened a little in shock. He put the bags in his hands down on the counter then turned to walk to Jason’s bedroom.

“Master Bruce,” Alfred said, pointing at the couch. Bruce turned around and looked, a sad, worried look growing on his face. “Master Jason walked out of his room, we spoke for a moment and then he just collapsed again. The couch was closer than his bed.”

Bruce nodded and then walked over to the couch, kneeling down beside it. He ran a hand through Jason’s hair, and sighed deeply.

“How did I miss this Alfred? How could I not see how much my son was suffering?”

Alfred walked over, looking sadly at Jason. “Because he did not want us to see, though I’m sure he really did want us to see. He pushed us away because he was afraid of getting hurt again. That doesn’t mean he didn’t want us to notice him, and to show him that we cared about him.”

“We didn’t try hard enough to prove to him that we do care about him,” Bruce concluded.

“Indeed,” Alfred agreed.

“Well, we’ve got a second chance now. And we’re not going to let him down again,” Bruce declared quietly, standing up. Alfred smiled a little and nodded. Bruce moved to the kitchen to pull out what he’d got, and Alfred followed.

“I still believe it would be better if he were at the manor with all of us,” Bruce said as he organized the medicine.

Alfred shook his head, “No. That would make it easier for us to care for him and that would have Jason believing that he is just an obligation to us, so we made his situation more convenient for us to handle by taking him to the manor. If he’s here and we’re coming to him to help, then perhaps he’ll start believing that we do care about him.”

Bruce nodded and took that in. Then looked unsure. “How would Jason feel about the fact that I called Leslie about him?”

Alfred smirked, “More proof that you care, I think. Or I hope.”

Bruce smiled a bit back and nodded, returning to what he was doing.

Jason really didn’t want to wake up, but he sensed that someone was near him. He remained still and just listened, to try and figure out who it was.

“Jaylad. I know you’re awake,” a voice said. The voice sounded oddly like Bruce, but it sounded slightly amused, which Jason hadn’t heard since he was 14.

Jason cracked open his eyes and turned towards the voice. He saw Bruce sitting in a crappy arm chair. Jason looked past him and saw that they were in his apartment. That’s when he realized he was on his couch. _If Bruce was here with him, while Jason is sick, why were they still in his apartment? _Jason thought to himself.

Jason tried to sit up but couldn’t find the strength to actually lift his head. The rest of his body was incredibly weak too. _Just great, completely vulnerable then_.

Jason sighed and turned to Bruce, wanting to glare but unable to do that too. He settled for a tired look.

“What are you doing here?” Jason said, finding his voice to be incredibly raspy and dry.

Bruce put down the book he was reading and came over to the couch. Before Jason could protest or resist, Bruce gently pushed him up and put a pillow behind his back to keep him sitting up. Then he sat down on the coffee table, unscrewing the cap to a water bottle.

“Why do you think I’m here Jason?” Bruce asked, sounding genuinely curious about Jason’s answer.

Jason furrowed his brows at Bruce, not really sure how to answer.

He could give a snarky reply, like ‘making sure he doesn’t die again out of some form of guilt’ or ‘Alfred is making him,’ but Jason was looking at Bruce’s face, and he saw something there he didn’t recognize. There was no anger, confusion, frustration, but something else.

“I don’t know…” Jason answered honestly, in a quiet voice.

Bruce smiled kindly and nodded. Bruce leaned closer and ran a hand through Jason’s hair, and Jason surprisingly felt that he didn’t mind it.

“Jason, I’m here because you’re my son, and I care about you. I know that I never really showed you, or told you how much I care about you. I never listened or tried hard enough to see what was really going on. And I’m so sorry for that. But I’m here now, and I promise, I’m going to be a better dad for you now, if you’ll let me. You’re not alone, Jason.”

“I’ve been alone almost my whole life, Bruce…” Jason pointed out.

“I know, Jason. But you have a family now, you never lost it when you…” Bruce trailed off.

Jason rose a small brow and finished for him. “When I died?” Bruce nodded. Jason argued, wanting to make sure Bruce knew Jason definitely didn’t feel that way. “Except I did lose it. I was with the league for over a year, alone. I came back to Gotham, and all we did was fight. I was alone. I’ve been alone since I came back from the dead.”

Bruce sighed sadly, “I suppose you’re right, even though all of us wanted you to come home. We all thought you were so pissed at us, and no one wanted to make it worse and push you away by talking to you about it. That’s on us. We misjudged what was going on. Yeah, you’re mad at us for reasons we all already know ,and I know that’s not the only thing going on, but you need your family. We’re going to be here for you, from now on, Jason, I promise. Whatever bullshit you or I put in our way.”

That last line actually got Jason to smirk a little. But he looked away from Bruce and just tried to process what Bruce just said. Bruce hasn’t spoken to Jason like he just had since he was Robin, four years ago. With kindness and gentleness. It kind of stuck Jason a little, to hear him not yelling or angry for once.

Jason has been doing his best to ignore the longing he had to be back and accepted by his family. But maybe, maybe he didn’t need to anymore.

He was on the very edge of the highest cliff last night… or a few nights ago, whenever that was that Bruce came in when he was about to blow his head off. But Bruce came in that very moment, and he helped him. He’s still here beside him, trying to tell him he still cares about him.

Maybe they’ve both been skirting around each other for the wrong reasons. There were of course still things they would disagree on, forever, but, if Bruce was willing to make amends and help him, them, maybe Json should just let him. He was so tired of being alone. A family is what he’s wanted his entire life.

He was going to end it all a few days ago, so, what did he have to lose if he just gave it a try. He’d keep his guard up for any betrayal or anything aimed his way, but, those he could easily escape from if he needed to.

Bruce was still watching him, patiently waiting for Jason to respond.

Jason took a breath and actually nodded, “Okay.”

Bruce fought back a smile, “Are you sure? We can start again? You’ll let us help you?”

Jason nodded again, “Yeah, I guess. Just don’t piss me off too much.”

“I’ll do my best.” Bruce smiled warmly and leaned over, gently placing a kiss to Jason’s forehead. Jason cringed a little, but Bruce just kept smiling.

“Thank you. I promise. I won’t fail you again.”

Jason stared at Bruce, a little surprised at the declaration.

“…You never failed me, Bruce. I don’t blame you for not saving that night.”

Bruce looked surprised by Jason’s declaration, sadness, guilt, and relief all revealed in his slightly changing expression.

Bruce smiled a little, “Nonetheless, I’ll never let something like that happen ever again. You’ll never be alone again.”

Jason couldn’t help but smile a little, but it turned into a grimace with Bruce’s next words.

Bruce smiled a little amusedly, “Your brothers have been really worried about you too. But I haven’t let them come see you yet. I wanted to make sure you would be okay with it. But, they won’t leave you alone either, especially Dick.”

Jason sighed, already annoyed. Bruce chuckled in response.

Jason couldn’t help the yawn that overtook him then, feeling pretty exhausted still.

“Get some more sleep Jaylad. I’ll still be here when you wake up, in case you need me,” Bruce said in a comforting voice, pulling the blanket further up Jason chest.

Jason nodded, his eyes closing and his head nodding to the side. But for the first time in what literally felt like forever, Jason’s last thought before falling asleep wasn’t that he hoped he wouldn’t wake up. But that when he _did _wake up, he wouldn’t be alone, and that made sleeping just a bit easier. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll probably continue with this mini au, so subscribe to the series if you want to see more of it!


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